


The Bovine Condition

by greycoupon



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Cows, F/M, Jail
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-21 12:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21074558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greycoupon/pseuds/greycoupon
Summary: Written for the location prompt "jail". Our heroes end up in lock up but at least Scully doesn't have to autopsy a cow.





	The Bovine Condition

**Author's Note:**

> Fictober day 17! Are we still having fun? Thanks to postmodernpromartheus for the beta

“This is all your fault!” Scully hissed at Mulder.

“Scully…,” he started to interject.

“Mulder we are in jail! In lock up!”

Okay, maybe it was kind of his fault. He had dragged Scully out to this podunk town for an unofficial investigation.

“We will be in and out in a day,” he had promised her. Locals had reported what they thought were cattle mutilations. Alien ones, of course.

The cows would disappear and be returned 48 hours later, vivisectioned to hell. The local police were convinced it was natural causes, but the local UFO enthusiast thought it had an alien smell. He had seen Mulder on a television show and was sure he was the one who could help so he had called the FBI. Mulder and Scully got the most colorful cases that way.

After listening to the man’s story, Mulder had called local enforcement and had been hung up on. That should have been an omen.

Instead, it only piqued Mulder’s curiosity even more and he decided they would do an independent investigation.

They flew to Iowa and met Wayne Trotter, their UFO enthusiast, at the local diner.

“You see,” he told them excitedly, “this has all the earmarks of UFO activity!” Mr. Trotter waved his hands when he talked and got so animated that he nearly knocked over Scully’s water glass.

“The wounds are clean and carried out with surgical precision. There were no signs of a struggle.” 

Scully wondered what signs of a struggle with a bovine would even look like. She thought this sounded like a hoax, natural predation or some kind of dispute between farmers. Mulder, on the other hand, was buying this story completely.

Wayne continued, “I heard Mrs. O’Leary down at the feed store yesterday saying her cow had vanished from its pen. If it follows the same pattern, the aliens will bring it back tonight. I should warn you, she’s not really a people person”

Scully sighed. She was going to end up autopsying a cow, wasn’t she?

So off they went to visit Mrs. O’Leary’s farm. They knocked on the door and were met by an elderly woman with a shotgun.

“Get off my property!” she had screamed while waving the gun at them.

This was the point when they really should have thrown in the towel. But no. 

“Come on, Scully. I just want to take a look around the edge of the property.” They had trekked along the other side of her fence for a while before Mulder had stopped and shined his flashlight through the slats.

“I want to take a closer look,” he told her and started to climb the fence.

She grabbed the back of his jacket.

“Stop! Come on.This isn’t worth a trespassing charge. It’s a cow!”

He looked between her and the fence. Back and forth his gaze went. Finally he shrugged dejectedly. Scully was just about to congratulate herself on averting disaster when they heard a shout and a bright light nearly blinded them.

“Stop! Freeze!” an unearthly voice said.

Aliens? No.

The local police. Mrs. O’Leary had called them saying people were lurking around her house. According to her, anyone who came calling after dark was up to no good.

“We’re FBI Agents conducting an investigation,” Scully told them.

“We weren't even on her property,” Mulder protested. “Can I reach into my jacket and get my badge?”

“Sure, go ahead,” the taller of the two cops told him.

“But we are still arresting you. The O’leary property goes on for 20 acres. Once we get you down to the station, we will introduce you to Chief Bryan O’Leary. SInce you’ve already met his mother.”

The cops had almost seemed to enjoy cuffing them and putting them in the squad car.

So now here they were. In lock up. It smelled and there was some unfortunate soul, half conscious in the corner. 

“This will never happen again,” he promised Scully. She just shook her head.

“Hey, feds!” the on duty officer called from his desk.

“Your boss...Skinner? Called. He talked to some people and you are getting sprung. He said to tell you he expects you both in his office at 8:00am tomorrow. He sounded not happy. I’d hate to be you.” The officer laughed as he grabbed his keys and made his way over to their cell.

Scully rolled her eyes and almost laughed as she got to her feet,

“Well, at least I didn’t have to autopsy a cow,” she deadpanned and they both did laugh.


End file.
